Hello World! Again!!

Although it’s been 8 years, it certainly feels like an eternity since I wrote anything on this blog. Going back and reading a few older posts brought back so many memories and smiles. Decades melt away when you are back in time. I can’t exactly pin-point why did I not write for so many years. This was such an important part of me, my way to express what affected me and all that I wanted to share from my world. Days passed by, turned into weeks, months and years and the blog stood still, quiet and lifeless. Or was it that life passed by too, without me documenting and etching out those moments into memories. It isn’t 8 years that I’ve missed, probably 12% of my whole life or worse still 40% of what’s remaining. Damn!

I guess, it’s never too late to pick up the threads again. Never too late to reclaim pieces of life that give you an outlet to express. Never too late to feel alive again!

Watch this space for more!

Allodoxaphobia and Hidden Agendas

I have a brand new disease. I think this virus caught me when in my new environment, I started to care about people around me and wanted to make a positive difference in their lives. This goal of course was larger than self and had all the trappings which made me fall in love with it. And when you are passionately attending to the goal, somebody challenging you sort of throws you off track, especially when that challenge is trying to unearth your hidden agenda, which didn’t even exist in the first place.

Life and relationships are complicated and emotions find a way to make them more so. A snide remark here, a snigger there, become such powerful put-offs when you get emotional about them that you can veer off-course easily, hurting not only yourself but also the very goal which meant so much to you. And the sad part is that you care for that opinion because you care for people who make them. With every transaction you make in the environment, you worry about people searching for your hidden agenda, you worry about what they are opining about you, you develop a fear of their opinion. This fear is my new disease and its technical term is Allodoxaphobia.

And then I wonder, why should I actually fear that opinion, if I start worrying about every stray outpouring, I would end up wasting my time and energy fixing something that isn’t worth anything. Especially when that time and energy could be devoted to the goal instead.  What’s important is that the goal continues to motivate me and hence should very much stay as my open agenda.  There you go, don’t worry about my hidden agendas anywhere, I just have a very open one which I’ll continue to pursue till I close it logically or the environment around me demands that I leave it unfinished.

Blatant and Latent Needs!

Well, the PGPX bullet-train hurtles along and I find myself barely hanging from a footboard trying desperately to stay aboard. There are 10 subjects in the very 1st term, each of them coming at you with an average of 8 cases, 2 quizzes, 5 submissions, and 1 end-term exam.  While pursuing studies is the primary concern, I don’t want my life to become uni-dimensional and hence try to keep myself involved with extra-curricular activities as well. I equate this to fulfilling both my blatant and latent needs, and talking about needs, here are a few others described a bit more.

Activity	Blatant Need	Latent Need
Media Rep activities	Contributing to overall PGPX marketing	Getting fellow student Manoj Khare a role in some “Saas-Bahu” serial
Morning Walks	Reduce the paunch	Want the toothpaste froth to fall directly in the sink and not on the tummy
Music, Song & Dance stuff	Reduce stress, enjoy peer company	Giving Kumar Sanu a run for his money
Meddling with food menu in the PGPX mess	Getting healthier and more palatable food	Obtaining systemic power to stop the damn server from snatching my plate away mid-meal
Gym	Getting into shape	Avoid  getting into a bigger spherical shape
Managing the PGPX blog	Contributing towards PGPX Branding	Outlet for creative juices and itchy finger relief
Sports – cricket & TT	Physical activity	Taking out frustration of bad grades by hitting the ball

Signing off with the hope that the study-load will not exceed what it already is , and that there will be adequate time and opportunites this year, to fulfill both my set of needs!

Professors and a Mentalman

Once a senior manager with Rolls Royce

Became a Professor by choice

Wears sports shoes with formal trousers

Throws break-even and ABC bouncers

Is droll often and still retains his poise

 

This professor comes to class without a flunky

Teaches that managing human resource is key

Raspy and throaty with decibel spike

Doesn’t believe in using a mike

I hope his lectures don’t become malarkey

 

The best invention of mankind is the market

This professor’s lecture delivery outruns a bullet

Often in the class it was a strain

To keep pace with his speeding train

I often wonder what was his energy secret?

 

This subject for me always used to be shady

Along came God’s own professor with a graceful lady

They handled the class and cases wisely

Also segmented the customer nicely

Though the course was rushed up, the learning was steady

 

Strategy is his middle name and he chases enlightenment

Goes “Haathi” on craziness and “Cheetah” on temperament

He stares and makes faces

Class is doomed with big cases

Will take all this in stride provided he delivers on Placement

 

Devilish laugh was this statistician’s only abnormality

With Minitab, complex calculations became a formality

His decibel level had minimal standard deviation

Case submissions and classes had no correlation

Just wondering if this course will have future practical utility

 

Modeling and programming on paper and not computer

This Professor turned out be a really shy tutor

Gentle in class but roared on e-mails

Told the class Tata steel related tales

Hope he doesn’t quiz us on those in the end-semester

 

Any learning I got from this course has very low probability

If only the instructor had more motivation and accountability

 I neither know theory nor mechanics

Hence seriously feel as if I’m in a fix

Whether to love or hate the bean counter fraternity

 

There was once a professor called Speak-a-lot

Who hates laptops in class and becomes distraught

She doesn’t understand the line

That students do takes notes online

B’coz they follow their handwriting only somewhat

 

Whether it’s individual, group or org behavior

This course’s objective is to make it all clear

If only the dreary instructor

could learn theatrics from the other

It would definitely make the subject more dear

Firm and (Fish)Market

Term 1 at PGPX-IIMA carries a course in microeconomics titled Firms and Markets. While theory may not excite most, and some clearly find it dull and drab, what distinguishes this course from the others, is the instructor. I refer to him as Gupta Ji, with respect and fondness mixed in equal measure. He has a style of his own and his passion for the subject and for teaching it, is quite evident in the class. Turbocharged with subject knowledge and probably, a healthy dose of steroids, Gupta Ji begins his class. His energy is palpable and as the class progresses, his voice, mannerisms and energy levels build upto a crescendo. While he is facing the class, his high-voltage movements sometimes make me worried that he is about to slide and crash-land on the front benchers. And when those difficult concepts need more emphasis, Gupta Ji’s turbocharger kicks in and adequately drives the point home. I certainly enjoy his delivery and if he could go a little slow in the class, I probably will pick up more knowledge.

 

This however is a minor issue. A major one I see sometimes happening in the class is when several middle and senior level corporate executives get into a verbal melee where nobody hears anybody, points and out-of-sync counter points and views and counter views keep rebounding from wall to wall, much to the chagrin and disappointment of the rest of the class. The technical term for this behaviour, where throaty, highly qualified and extremely competitive peers try to outdo each other in class participation, is fishmarket. You may wonder that they will not do this at their respective places of employment, so why should their conduct be any different in class. Well, you provide an avenue for competition to such a competitive gathering when they haven’t had enough time to know each other better and work out mature ways to self-regulate their group behaviour, such conduct will obviously result. One can’t prescribe do’s and don’t’s to such an experienced group, but one hopes that with time it will work out the norms for appropriate class behaviour.

 

In the meantime, the only individual behaviour that I can pretty much control is mine. An ongoing melee progressively gets more chaotic with unrestricted participation and its better that I don’t make it worse. I am the Prince of Whales and for a few class participation marks, I remain Firm that I’ll not sell my wares in a Fishmarket.

Possibilities……

It’s been a week since I arrived at IIMA. It’s a detour I’m taking for the next year in my search for the final destination. I have been an IT professional thus far and what steers my life to Ahmedabad is the belief that I now want to work backwards from my imagination rather than forward from my past. I want a future career that builds upon my capabilities, is more aligned with my interests, motivates me with the rewards I value and provides happiness and success in equal measure.

 

IIMA is arguably the best B-school in India and attracts the best – both in terms of students and faculty. And a week and a few classes later I tend to agree with this assessment. The paraphernalia around the education though, does present some challenges. So what if your living quarters is a 8*10 cell, so what if the convoluted buildings present a monotonous, unfinished, cement-clad façade, so what if the system reeks of bureaucratic inefficiency and obsolescence, so what if the contracted caterer is extremely generous in providing fatty food, so what if a few pigeons and dogs want to share the campus living space, none of these take anything away from the fact that you still have perhaps the best faculty and peer profiles you could get in India. Peer diversity alone could become a critical source of learning input in the next one year and immense learning can be achieved through the profs and other enabling mechanisms at the institute.

 

I firmly believe that this is the year which will change my life and will do so for the better, this is the year where I will bridge the gap between what can be imagined and what can be accomplished, this is the year where a sense of purpose will determine the direction of the rest of my professional life, this is the year where I will build bonds and mutual value-adding relationships that last a lifetime, this is the year in which I will seize my future and make it what I want it to be.

 

Possibilities are exciting and perhaps, realizing them even more so.

The Bak-Bak Stops Here!!

There is just too much noise in the system. Sane voices and sane views are getting lost in the hubbub out there created by multitude of print and media channels, politicians, sportsmen and sports administrators, market pundits, doomsday predictors, naysayers contradicting other naysayers, industry and opinion leaders, warmongers, HR managers and employees facing recessionary impacts.

Moments of crises fuel the chaos further and like a self fulfilling prophecy, the negativity in the environment is feeding upon itself. Wherever you see, there are messages of gloom and doom – recession, food inflation, retreating stock markets, people losing jobs, prospects of hung parliament, IPL issues, ballooning fiscal and trade deficits, worsening economy and glum messages surrounding job security, salary cuts and other issues in our very own industry- the Indian IT industry.

Perhaps the time has come for our society to stop doing Bak-Bak on issues that are haunting us and do something about it.

Politicians – Stop cheating your country-men and for a change, work for them and for your country. Have the vision to take India to a leadership position in this world in a century where opportunities abound for India and Indians. This could become India’s century and we have already lost 8 years from it.
Market Pundits – We have had enough of your greed ruining our investment portfolios, pension plans and nest eggs. Stop playing with my and my children’s future and let the market forces determine what only the market forces can determine most accurately and fairly.
Print-n-Media channels – Stop dishing out idiotic content on the idiot box. Report responsibly, without fear or favour and help the citizens form their own opinions. Entertain citizenry while upholding social, cultural and traditional values in your programming. Challenge dogma and corrupt practices, raise voice against what’s wrong in our society, enable change where change is required the most and project India as a strong, vibrant nation that it is, in the world.
IT industry employees – Re-focus energies on your customer, on developing and re-tooling yourself, on contributing more value to the organization, on staying positive in crises and communicating positive messages to others, on being what you always were – the best and the brightest IT services talent in the whole wide world. The good thing about bad things is that they come to an end, and this period will do so too, probably much sooner than any one of us can imagine. While things will become better, they will likely become worse first and hence we must align our expectations accordingly and work towards strengthening ourselves and our companies for the upturn.

What other sectors do you think also need to stop the Bak-bak?

Driven!!

For the past month, I was in search of a car driver. The usual channels for the search initially produced candidates who moved up the value chain from bicycling to car driving seemingly over a weekend.

The very first one proudly presented his license for my inspection. Now, the very faint outcroppings above his upper lip were belying his license issue date and unless he had started driving a 4-wheeler right after passing class 8th, his license was like a leaf out of Satyam’s books. I whispered ‘scram’ and he did so. Next in line was a gentleman who took the car key, gunned the engine with gusto, reversed the car with even more gusto and banged it in a pillar in the parking lot. While I surveyed the damage to both the car and the pillar, he explained remorsefully that he did not quite catch the dimensions of the car. I had to remind him that it was the lesser problem, the bigger problem was that he didn’t even catch the dimensions of the parking space, which was 10 times bigger than the car and hence he should scram before I kick him out.

The gentleman after that was more promising, he backed the car fine and gingerly started moving forward. On the out-ramp from the parking lot, our man stalled the car thrice. He had issues in balancing the clutch, the brake and the accelerator in tandem and probably didn’t know how to work the three pedals out with two legs. Seeing his competency and nervousness, I thought he would have even stalled an automatic car on that ramp. He finally made it up the ramp and almost collided with an oncoming Innova on the main road. I glared at him as the Innova’s horn blared and kept on glaring till that horn kept blaring. Our man didn’t even wait for me to ask him to scram, he did so with utmost urgency and even left his slippers behind in the car.

I was about to lose my faith in the local driving ability, when along came the next gentleman. His license showed an experience of 11 yrs, and he requested in halting Hindi to let him drive the car for 2-3 kms and he’ll get an idea of the vehicle etc. With much trepidation, I allowed him to and our man passed with flying colours. He has been ferrying me to the office for more than a week now and I think the relationship is going fine. Of course you have to adjust to things that would typically help your blood pressure to shoot upwards – things like he has a foot on the clutch all the time, he would accelerate till almost reaching a speed breaker and then brake hard etc. For me, giving your car to another driver is somewhat like giving your daughter’s hand away and I must confess, I had my moments of emotional distress in this transaction. However, as with any relationship, both parties adjust and find a balance and I think we have found ours as well. Now let’s see how long does this relationship last and at least till then I remain driven!!

Sarjapur Road ka Billu

Every once in a while on languid Sunday mornings, I spend these blissful 15 minutes with my local Billu, getting a head massage. Each time I visit, I wait outside his parlour till he becomes available. He’ll finish up with his other customers, will announce “Come Saar” with a big smile, give 2-3 ‘phatkas’ to the seat to clean the previous customer’s hair etc. and get the seat lined up to manoeuvre my healthy frame in.

Armed with a clean towel and a fresh bottle of Navratna Oil, he gets on with his business with utmost dedication. Now there are no half measures with him, the oil bottle is turned upside down on your head till a more than copious quantity of the funny smelling, red coloured liquid covers your scalp and starts running down your neck and ears and every other part of your face. And then starts the 15 minutes of oily bliss, much of which to an outsider will appear as sheer “barbarism”, but to your inner self it’s a liberating experience. And don’t go by the frail frame of our man, his thin fingers can generate a massive torque when he is clutching your hair and moving his hands around your head. He drums up disproportionate power when he starts drumming your skull in a 360 degree move that knocks up every square inch of your scalp. The oil and his rhythmic beating almost percolate right down to the brain beneath, and with closed eyes one can feel perfectly blissful sensations somewhere deep inside the medulla oblongata. Both of us have challenges in communicating with each other, he doesn’t know Hindi and my Kannada is as good as my French. In rudimentary English he understands, I will ask him to go “slow” when the torque increases beyond the capacity of my skull to hold my hair together, or “hard” when he is crushing my neck muscles and practicing boxing on my back, or sighing “good good” when it’s blissful.

You must be aware of the virtues of Navratna oil already, which have been extolled by Mr Bachchan and Mr Ahuja repeatedly on the idiot box. While Mr Bachchan stood tall and preached the oil’s benefits, Mr Ahuja did his customary dance steps and showed his pearly-whites to the camera crooning “Thanda thanda cool cool”. I believe even SRK got on Navratna’s payroll for a while and hence between these three stars they would have covered advertising to the complete Indian and maybe some NRI demographics as well. One residual benefit that these folks have not illuminated us on is the tenacity of the oil to stay put on your scalp for a day or two after the application. Any amount of these western shampoos can’t wash away this Ayurvedic concoction completely. So if you meet me today and I smell funny, you know who is to be blamed.

Anyhow till my next post, I will remain “Thanda Thanda Cool Cool” and I recommend a visit to your neighbourhood Billu to get some magic done on your scalp as well.

PS: Mr Ahuja is better known by his first name as Govinda
PPS: Sarjapur Road is a suburb of Bangalore.

Bade Miyan Chote Miyan

Real humdinger of a T20 contest last night. While the match got as good as T20 gets, Neo cricket’s coverage got as worse as it can get. Conventional wisdom with other broadcasters is to show Ads between overs, Neo decided to do vice-versa and showed the overs between the Ads. They even had an air-headed, hugely accented bimbo concocting some yucky cocktail before the match which became a sign of the telecast to come. To her credit though, she did ask the Neo panelists some questions that at first hearing did appear to have the faintest connection to the game and its strategy.

Well, viewers moved on in a little while to see some good batting display from the Lankans whenever Neo decided to be compassionate and telecast the match for a few seconds between those Ads. Every over brought out the Sprite romeos, SRK and the chirpy lady whose chirping continued on just like her investment plan. The road Romeos’ approach appeared logical and showed that its useless to drive flashy red bikes like maniacs, rather one should play carrom at roadside to suitably impress the fairer sex. I can’t quite fathom though the logic of making men fairer, that too in 5 Rs. What happened to the time honored code of Mills & Boons that real men are tall, dark and handsome? And with SRK in the frame, the equation anyway changes to short, wheatish and ugly.

 Indian reply started shakily when Sehwag and Gambhir showed exactly why they are inseparable. If one gets out, the other one can’t control his emotions and wants to occupy the next chair in the pavilion asap. Middle order did well to keep the required run rate under control and Lankan appeared quite rattled for a while. Each time a wide got bowled or a boundary got clobbered, Dilshan’s body language and expressions betrayed emotions that usually arise when his cat chooses to relieve itself on his persian carpet. Lankan fielding proved presence of dew not on the field, but in their hands and Kareena caught her ringtone set phone more frequently and cleanly than they fielded the ball. Indians lost some quick wickets in the middle overs suddenly and seemed to be losing their grip on the match. All this while, SRK kept on rubbing it in, logical roadside romeos kept drinking sprite, chirpy lady’s investment kept on growing and Dilshan’s cat kept on doing the unmentionable to his carpet. Not sure if SRK’s 5 Rs magic cream changed anybody’s complexion, but the ‘Bade’ and ‘Chote’ Pathan brothers certainly changed the game’s complexion. They didn’t let Dilshan or his cat relax and quite adroitly won the day for India.

Presentation ceremony was ok, the dais crowded by sponsors, cricket administrators and all possible politicians available at that hour in that geography. The last inch was taken by Sivaramakrishnan’s diminutive frame and since there wasn’t any space left for the winners to take their awards, they accepted their paltry cheques hanging on the stairs leading to the dais. Dilshan looked dehydrated just like his cat and Yuvi accepted the glamour award with some hairy skin show. The match lacked glam quotient though, the usual dancing eye-candies were substituted by flame throwing acrobats. Although they kept the tradition of T20s by dressing skimpily, I’m certain that wouldn’t have been appreciated much in most quarters.

Well,the match has whetted my appetite and I await the IPL eagerly now. Hopefully an alternate broadcaster will give more airtime to the actual match then and probably make it worthwhile to watch the matches without constantly muting and unmuting the idiot box.

PS: somebody needs to make Gavaskar and Dilshan control their emotions while they are being seen/heard by billion+ viewers.

 PPS: We must get Nimbus cameramen to hunt whoever it is we need to hunt out. They were able to find the few pretty needles in the Premdasa haystack consistently.

PPPS: Dhoni needs to probably add a K to his name to start winning the toss again.I join the nation in wishing him “Jit-tey Raho”.

 PPPPS: I request Kapil paji to bestow his Rapidex english speaking course as his legacy to the Pathan brothers.

Hash Me, Bhatt of course !!

I do hate some film actors. My ire today is directed at this physically stunted and artistically challenged bugger called Emran Hashmi. Yeah, the one who wears the “serial kisser” tag with a proud smirk on his face. Gross! I recently read in the nonsense section of Times Of India Bangalore edition that he charges Rs 5 crores for a movie. 5 crores? For what? Had it not been for the arguably deranged Bhatt brothers, he wouldn’t even get a role worth its reel. Btw, I have seen some of his movies in bits while indulging in channel hopping and what I am writing is informed judgement.

 

 

What I seem to hate most is his misplaced sense of passion (or his director’s, maybe). On smallest of events, he gets triggered and attacks the heroine and what follows gives the distinct impression that he is trying to eat her. No, it isn’t kissing, take that from me. The heroine emerges out of a few re-takes with blue and swollen face and bandaged lips. Somebody needs to tell him that he is the hero of the film, and hence need not try to dismember the heroine as a villain does. The worst of such scenes was where he catches hold of Diya Mirza in a forgettable movie and sullies her. Gawd!! I could have killed him right there and then. As you can guess I like Diya *blush* and see her as a paragon of virtue who brightens up every film frame she trots into. And I hope she did employ some industrial strength mouth disinfectant after this surly episode.

 

The Bhatts have had their shares of dismal failures when they made slightly more sensible cinema. Now they have learned what Mithun Da had perfected earlier, the revenue grosser trick from the B & C cities and towns. Bhatts have learned it rather well and have converted the revenue grosser formulae to grosser revenue ones by making titillating and pervert movies which pander to the baser instincts of  intimacy starved Indians across the A to Z city spectrum. What also works for them and Mr Hashmi is the music that they conjure up, half of it is plagiarized if Pritam Da is employed or the other half has the momentum of Himesh Bhai, and so it succeeds.

 

Needless to say, I want this non-actor to learn two things as a matter of urgency. First he must be sent to some acting academy for the next few years while the world gets over the shock and filth he has spread around. Second, he should be given lessons in personal grooming so that he shaves/dresses/smells/wears his hair or whatever is left of it like a gentleman and learns how to treat a lady as a lady and kiss as it is supposed to be done – simple and softly.

 

The name’s Raju, Ramalinga Raju

Hello World, My name is Raju
In childhood Appa fed me Kaju
But Yeh dil Maange more
So I became a chor
Now I wait for Insaaf ka tarazu

In the village school I went
I turned out to be a good student
Teacher gave me the practical spiel
Real estate is the only thing real
From there started my fraudulent ascent

Early in life my dishonesty came to the fore
I duped the AP govt of 50+ crore
Then getting together with brother
To take the fraud even further
I opened Satyam with IT business as core

Indian IT was successful and going places
I bought land and constructed work spaces
Recruited technical people quite able
And to make governance respectable
For the board, I roped in famous faces

The money started coming and company started growing
By undercutting others, customer orders started flowing
My staff did a tremendous job
To take Satyam to the very top
But I could not control my fraudulence from growing

Money is perhaps mankind’s most wonderful thing
And greased palms keep the whole world running
It made my CFO forget counting
And the auditors the basics of accounting
My morals and values anyway didn’t mean anything

Quarterly results and balance sheet were cooked for years
With all this money and land, why should I have any fears
Inflated results had the market pleased
Bribes to politicians kept the system greased
Not even for minute I worried about my staff’s careers

Of course, I knew this path was fraught
With real dangers of getting caught
I kept siphoning money out
With Banks & govt I used my clout
I even had most corp governance awards bought

Slowing economy increased the burden of deceit on my shoulders
My assets started losing value, after all it was all land and boulders
To fool the market,I placed some bets
Manipulated board to buy Maytas assets
But retreated when the move got beaten down by shareholders

Even before I could get another deceit re-kindled
Investors fled and Satyam stock price dwindled
Satyam started getting bad press
And seeing no way out of this mess
I faxed a confession about all the money I had swindled

Hello World, My name is Raju
If only I was not fed this much of Kaju
I wouldn’t have wanted more
And become such a chor
Now waiting for punishment from Insaaf Ka tarazu

Slurp and Burp !

We got this new food joint called Madhuram in our company campus recently. Novelty value and a liking for Andhra food took us there. At the outset, a long queue of hungry think-a-likes (like-a-likes?) greeted us at the coupon counter.
The coupon guy was probably among the bottom quartile of the team and was quite taken aback by the enormity of the task handed out to him. Impatient customers obviously were denting his mood, motivation and calculating skills, in that order. Stationed alongside him was a 12 digit calculator, whose fresh battery was raring to go and with its LCD glowing in bright abandon, I imagined that he was adequately tooled to calculate the coupon amounts for the entire campus if it chose to eat there. However my transaction for 6 coupons overwhelmed him, with fumbling hands holding multiple notes and trying to punch in the relevant numbers on the calculator, he found himself unable to consummate the transaction. Having an exasperated customer standing on your head never works, especially when the customer is twice your size and in the process of suppressing some of those emotions frothing up in his eyes, he actually blanked out. There we were with empty stares directed at each other, with the line of expectant coupon seekers growing by the second. Increasing groans behind me compelled me to act and I did his calculation, took from his hands my coupons and the exact change and moved on.

We proceeded to the dining area and soon started to receive samples of the delicacies coming out of the kitchen. Quantity of those samples, specially the vegetable of the day, was questionable and so was the frequency of the servers coming to one’s table. With some display of handy assertiveness skills, Telugu skills and assertiveness in Telugu skills, we were finally able to resolve both the above issues satisfactorily. The food was decent and quite spicy and it appeared that the cook, after having struck a handsome bargain of buy one and get twenty free kgs of chilly powder, did not hesitate on using the available quantum in one go. The generous spices were still active in this third world underbelly at the time of writing this post and subsequent attempts to douse the fire with water and tea had failed.

Verdict – The joint is new, will hopefully get over its teething trouble soon and also become less generous in its use of chilly and other spices. Would I be brave and re-visit the place, perhaps….

PS – PP says, *with his stomach full and still enjoying the after-taste*, “why fart and waste it when you can burp and taste it”

A Song for Your Better Half

This is kind of linked to my post on Neela Aasman and Lodhi Gardens and serenading a lady, in case you haven’t read it yet, go do so and come back here.

Another one on my top 10 list is a song from the film titled Jungle Main Mangal (No, I haven’t got the name wrong, and wipe that smirk off your face!). An average film, at best, but this one song is a treat and a sample of excellence Shankar-Jaikishen and Kishore Da produced in those golden days of Hindi film music.

Phata poster and nikla Kiran Kumar, (yeah! he too got to play the leading man once) and he enacted this song, standing beneath Reena Roy’s balcony. This probably was Reena Roy’s first film, she looked like a kid still in secondary school and probably wouldn’t know how to spell serenade. The lyrics were simple and Kishore Da crooned “Tum Kitni Khoobsurat Ho Yeh Mere Dil Se Poocho” from his heart.

All you guys out there, rummage through the CD stores/cyberspace, check this song out, learn it and then sing it to your better half. Look straight into her eyes, make her feel special and admired and see how the magic works.

PS: If you have spondylitis, better not stress your neck standing beneath her balcony.
PPS: If you have not so good a back, don’t do this on your knees.
PPPS: If you have not so good vocal chords, play the song and lip-sync.
PPPPS: There will be a charge for any further lessons in serenading. First come, first serenaded basis.

Prince of Whales

I belong to, what you would traditionally call, an all-indian khaata peeta ghar (well to do family). What makes me a well rounded personality is the generous padding that I carry at multiple places in my mid-section. My nicknames in school and college used to be politically incorrect variations of the word “Mota” (Fatso!) or “Hathi” (Elephant). The propensity for obesity runs in my family and if you utter the word “Mota” in my family gathering, everybody, except our dog, would respond to the call.

While I’m tempted to blame the root cause of this extra adipose on my genes, my doctors are pointing an accusatory finger to my binging on high carb, an inexplicable attraction to sugar and my lethargy to exercise. I get to hear sagely advice quite often on getting in shape, diet, exercise, swim and the usual list of do’s and don’ts. Perfectly rotten talk all this, I say! I have never seen any of these doctors exercising and don’t tell me none of them has ever died from a heart attack due to obesity reasons. I’m in shape, isn’t sphere a shape as well? And if swimming is so good for health, how do you explain whales? I’m not fat, I’m just healthy. I believe in the economy of movement and hate to subject my body to any additional ones other than the bare minimum required. For some time I religiously followed the do’s and don’ts , realized quickly enough that I might die sooner if I follow those for long and hence I swapped the line items between the do’s and don’ts. Since then I’m leading a much happier and contented life.

Somebody once told me the adage “You must breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dine like a pauper”. Fine, I will do so but both the extremes at start and end of day won’t work for me. Hence as a compromise between binging and starving, I’ll eat my three square meals of the day like a prince. And if I still look like a whale to you, well, you could call me the Prince of Whales from now on.

Andhra Mess

And so the mighty fell with a faxed confession. And took along with him a brand, credibility for IT offshoring, dignity that other service providers earned in decades and potentially, livelihood of 50,000 families.

This too shall pass, and while his progressions of transgressions gets documented, I hope better sense now prevails and he brings down the root cause of this mess – the nexus of politicians and land mafia. And on the side, break the knuckles of the auditors and banks that colluded to mislead common investors and customers.

PS: PP says, Raju is like a retired school teacher – no class and no principles

Rab Ne Bana Di Ghodi – Part 2

Ladize and Gentalman,

I, PP, am back. I am still in the well and am hoping that you continue to remain in the well as well. Sorry, delay happened in story telling as there was customer work. Now thoughts are back in mind and so I am back.

After saying bye to Ghodi, marrij proceshan entered marrij hall. Gud decorashan was decorated and few notty children were running around disturbing chairs. Some local Pushkar doggies also had come and notty children were beating them. Few guests were sitting idling waiting for food que to get lesser, so many hungry peepul were attacking cooker and his team that cooker became pressure cooker. Running around with utencils, with 2 hands, he was giving 6 type food to 6 people simultaneously. Everybody like his food and after success in my marrij, he became quite a prestige cooker in Ajmer.

My frands took me to marrij podeam, where two big decorashan chairs were put. After seeing accu-pressure from Ghodi spine, I did not want to sit anymore. But this time, chair was nicely cotton filled and even had soft cover, so I sat down and waited for Ms MK to come. Then I saw Ms MK with family peepul coming towards podeam with garland in her hand. Family peepul had done fashion with passion and all cameraman ran to shoot them. Ms MK came, garland ceremoney was done, guests who had finished food, came and gave money. The food que was not getting lesser and I was worried that no food will be left for me and Ms MK. After sitting in podeam for 1 hour, some frand remembered that we were hungry also, and so they took us to food table. With so many peepul around, laughing, noisying, I couldn’t eat anything.

Then came phera ceremoney. Famus Pandit came to do phera and he started with big big mantras. We sat down on floor, again making me remember Ghodi. Pandit spoke Mantra for 1 hr, then light up the phera fire for half hour, then again started with mantra. I asked Pandit lets do phera, but he said no no, first lets pray to all gods. Hindu religion has 64 million gods and I thought this Pandit will now take many days to pray to all. Another 30 minutes and then he said groom mantras are finished, now its time for bride mantras. Pandit wanted to give extra value for my father’s money. But I gave him some more money and said lets do phera now. Pandit agreed to cut down bride mantra by 1 hr and then we started phera. Ms MK wanted to walk slow, but I wanted to run. Finally with some adjustment between our speeds, we finished entire phera ceremoney in 4 hrs. It was 3 in the night and again some function was there at 6 AM, we were very tired and couldn’t rest that night at all.

Marrij supposed to be happy affair, but what I remember is Ghodi spine, no food, long painful hungry ceremoney and everybody else seeming happy for our marrij except me and Ms MK. Now I know why divorce rate in India is so low, who would want to marry again with so much pain.

And so the story ends, I say Ta Ta to all and wish you remain forever in the well.

Rab Ne Bana Di Ghodi – Part 1

Ladize and Gentalman,

Myself, PP, saying Namaste with folding hands to all of you. I am in the well and hope that you are also in the well. I native of Rajasthan, famus for dessert and camel which drinks once and runs everywhere. I growing up in Marwari public school and so English of mine not like English of bangalorees. But I want to talk English as all do not able to follow Marwari.

Today I tell you story of my marrij to Miss MK of Allahabad. She conwent school and then enginear collij, all English, and so both speak and talk English only in flat. My marrij was placed in Pushkar city, 14 km far from Ajmer. Camel take 1 day to make journey, so we start for journey 3 days advance. Everything was gud, all family peepul and Ms MK family peepul, all staying together in state tourist resort. Big big food was cooked and our cooker and his team made all 3 meals of everyday full of ghee, shugar and wheet, rise,vegitable and pulces. Cocktale party was best party as cooker made chickan and muttan also. Many sang song, ding dong, dancing, all rum and vodka flowing, soda was finished, but nobody did problem, they took handpump water and saved vodka from wasting.

In Marrij evening, Ghodi came and I was made sit on it by my happy frands. Although I slightly healthy, ghodi was slightly weak. Ghodi back cover was also not fully cotton filled, and when baraat started with full dancing, comfort went away from me and Ghodi. My spinal cord and Ghodi’s spinal cord started frictioning, and every Ghodi step made more pain for both. Idiot frands of mine just not stopping dancing and when pain increasing, their dancing increasing. Ghodi and I gave abuses from inside both our Sehra’s but in so high band sound, nobody hearing. Finally we reach bride place and finally dancing stopping. I thanked God and got down with sigh. Ghodi also thanked God and sat down with sigh.

Now I take break, you tell me if you want to heer about marrij hall proceeding and how stupid Pandit made 7 phera ceremoney for 4 hrs. Rest part of story tomorrow telling.

Grains and the Leaner Rat

** This post is in continuation to the Rut Race **

So, what do you do with the Rut Race? Well firstly you don’t lose hope, secondly you invest for the upturn. And what do you invest in? You look out for stuff that is not fundamentally impaired and strengthen it. In today’s world I see two things that are not fundamentally impaired – your capabilities and commodities. Let’s look at each of these and figure this out better.

No matter what happens in the sector, nobody can take away your skills and capabilities. This is true for both companies and individuals. Changing times will require you to strengthen those skill sets and develop new ones which will be in demand in the upturn. Go ahead, re-equip and re-tool yourselves, do those extra trainings, certifications, study and practice your skill well, even if it’s on internal focused assignments. Stay productive and deliver more value to your organization and to your customer. Transform yourselves for the future, become leaner, faster, cheaper and better for your customers and you will see that when your customer finally starts spending again, the leaner rat will reach the grain first.

Which brings us to the commodities angle. All macro variables point to potentially higher inflation worldwide in the foreseeable future. Demand for commodities (food grains, agri produce, metals etc) will only increase while supply will likely not match it in the near term. Keeping in mind that inflation causes price rise (and not the other way round), commodity producers, folks who invest in commodity producing companies’ equity and who trade in commodities directly will likely obtain good returns on their investments. As an investor, take some exposure in commodity funds and FOFs, start small, keep buying on dips and stay focused on the buy and hold strategy for the long term.

Share with me your perspective on how we could emerge stronger for the upturn.

The Rut Race

What will this new year bring us? I think, a lot of gloom. Most of it will get created outside our boundaries but with a knock-on effect on us. Predictions abound about the gloom ahead, the only thing that varies is the intensity and longevity of the gloom. Indications are that most global markets and economies will slump, the big ones have started to cave in and the smaller ones obliged to do so after a lag. We are in that lag right now, spurt in domestic consumption might cushion the downfall but cave we will.

There are two ways in which govt and central banks control the macro economy. Central banks execute the monetary policy and manipulate the interest rates, money supply and currency exchange rates of the country while the Govt executes fiscal policies that deal with budgetary allocations and spending. Although monetary actions bring quick and obvious results in the economy, Central banks lose their teeth when interest rates reach rock bottom which is happening now in economies like US, EU and Japan. RBI still has some leverage with interest rates in India, which is a huge positive. Fiscal measures on the other hand follow the slow and steady route and if executed well typically bring results in a few years. We are well aware of the execution capabilities of our system in India and I remain doubtful of how effective increased spending on infra and other areas will be. Money gets allocated in the budget, a percentage of it comes out of the ministry, a percentage of that gets into the project, a percentage of that actually gets spent on the work which generates long-term employment etc. I will be watching the monsoon in 2009 quite keenly as a bad one will exacerbate the gloom further.

Global economies will continue to re-price asset values and risk in 2009. Stock markets will remain volatile with negative bias, Credit will likely remain crunched, capacity expansions and personal consumption will remain muted, governments will print more money to throw it at increasing problems which will in itself generate more problems in inflation and depreciating currency, all signs are evident now of impending tough time for industries, investors and consumers alike. All sectors, services and products, will see lesser spending from their customers. With top line impacts, focus on bottom line will increase manifold. Cost savings and operations will be in intense focus and every company will have some tipping point beyond which job and salary cuts, promotions and hiring freeze, productivity improvement measures would need to be implemented for its survival. Overall negativity from all sides will result in employee performance dips across the board and the proverbial rat race will morph into a rut race.

Most opinions do factor in an upswing in the next 2-6 quarters and the hope is that there is gloom but not doom.

What do you think this new year will bring for you?